Spanking and the mainstream


Archer and the air stewardessFollowing the post about the South African Star article on spanking entering the mainstream, last night’s Sex: How To Do Everything on the UK’s Channel Five (AKA Fiver) they had an item on spanking.

It started off well enough, natural between consensual couples, how heavy it gets is up to you etc. They even had two enthusiastic couples to demonstrate, one switch and the other with a female sub who got a very red bottom in various positions; a rarity on mainstream terrestrial TV.

And then, oh dear, these experts started talking about ‘another way to get those pain endorphins going is to use nipple clamps.’

It is unfortunate and a dead giveaway, when mainstream so-called sex experts, think spanking is about pain and get completely confused about BDSM and the psychological nature of spanking. They even dragged in a sexual psychologist who when asked about spanking promptly went on about foot fetishes and how men fixate on their mother’s shoes at an early age and… well you know the rest, cliché high school psychology.

The professional dominatrix was a bit savvier, but she was a BDSM aficionado and so of course she talked about that. No offence to the BDSM crowd, but having talked to many of them at shops and parties, they tend to see spanking as just BDSM light.

We all hate labels and we all know that spankodom is divided into sub groups like age-play, 1950s household and such things as Christian and non-Christian life-stylers, but the correct term for many of us is Spanking and Bottom Fetishists (SBF), not a commonly used term.

Now it is great that even this ill-informed and confused discussion got an airing, but it is rather disconcerting when three people who don’t get it sit down and talk about rules as if they are holy writ. For instance it makes a huge difference if you are ‘playing a scene,’ which the BDSM crowd love, with someone you don’t know or if you are in a lifelong relationship with someone on the same wavelength. Often, as in this case, the guidance is too vague and wishy-washy for the former and largely irrelevant for the latter and doesn’t do much for the absolute beginner.

Anyway if you missed it, it is bound to be repeated again.

Incidentally the picture above is from another mainstream Fiver show, Archer, which is an adult animated comedy about a spy with a spanking fetish.

11 Responses to “Spanking and the mainstream”

  1. DJ,
    I suppose we must give them credit for trying. 🙂
    Not so very long ago such a presentation would have been impossible. 😉
    And Poppy, I suspect from a tops point of view, most female bottoms are perfect. 🙂
    Abso-bloody-lutely. 😉

  2. 2 Wizard Birchwand

    Didn’t see the programme, but it sounds about par for the course, in that, at least in my experience, the BDSM brigade believe they are the ultimate arbiters of absolutely everything.

  3. 3 fatherjim

    You have hit upon something here.Wizard Birchwand! I’ve found that every person who has a fetish believes THEIR views are unto law!

    To me, this is the most disconcerting trait for any and all people. We JUDGE our views as “law” and others views as misguided opinions.

    I have a friend into “BDSM” who asked me once if I play? I answered, NO, I never PLAY! Of course I only meant I spank to punish, but my answer went right over her head. We come at the whole concept from a different angle.

    I have seen supposedly well educated and open minded spankers lambast someone for spanking their wife when she was actually bad!
    The mutual consent police swooped in and bludgeoned the poor guy to death with their words of derision and objection. In short, they wanted him drawn-and-quartered, which they saw as a reasonable response.

    Too many experst, and they are all right! So, you really can’t blame the media for getting it wrong. If they talk to four different people who are into spanking, they will get four different views, none which tolerates or even come close to understanding the other.

    I have found that the thought police even delve into censoring fantasy, where we are all supposed to accept this IS NOT REAL! I have seen writers bashed for being too strict, or too harsh, or for not getting a signed form of consent and release from all the fictional characters involved!

    In short, I have found spankers, as a group, not to be a group at all! Each comes at this topic from a very very differing angle. Not all are about power, not all are about bottom worship, not all are about punishment, not all are about age-play, or guilt, or contrition. Some are into humiliation, others abhor the concept. Some are for role-reversal, even having their kids spank the bared adults. Some want to relive old school-day memories, some want spankings just to be for love. It runs the imaginary gambit.

    The problem is, there are many areas of wide disagreement, such as spanking children, non-consensual spanking, bare-vs-clothed, implements, fantasy versus reality. The list goes on! Is it any wonder that the media can’t get it right when we all disagree so strongly on just what is “RIGHT”?

    So, in reality, each of us is an expert in one area, our OWN fantasies. If everyone could accept this and support others, we’d have a much more postive community as a whole.

    Personally, I believe spanking should and can exist wholly IN fantasy and fiction. Life, real life, provides enough pain and drama that spanking seems unnecessary in most of our adult and childhood lives. I abhor hurting people verbally or physically, but dream of a world where spankings are wholly theraputic and the solution to most every problem! I dream of a world where we all accept our brethern, no matter their differences. This can, at least exist in fantasy! Even I have my hates and limits. I abhor anything involving children, but still believe my views should not censor fiction. One can always just stop reading!

    If anyone doubts the level of peer judgement, write any spanking forum and tell them you recently threw your protesting wife over your shoulder, took her out to the shed and whipped her bare behind with a switch till she bled. You’ll be run out of said Dodge, tarred and feathered and riding a rail so fast your head will spin, and though you’ll repeatedly shout, “it’s all fantasy”, out you will go! (lol)


    • 4 GrahamJ

      “… I have found spankers, as a group, not to be a group at all! Each comes at this topic from a very very differing angle. ”

      Couldn’t agree more fatherjim. We all have our unique motivations which manifest themselves in very particular ways. Latest research suggests that there are 16 ‘colours’ of motivation and each colour has a large number of discernable ‘shades’. Amongst other things, behaviour is driven by combinations of these many motivations.
      The pop psycholgists (Dr. Phil et al) can’t get their heads around this. Even if they did, I don’t think they’d have much of an audience because it all gets too complicated.

  4. Archer? Really? My kids(youngest is 25) watch that all the time. I’ll have to pay attention now.

  5. 6 DJ

    I don’t think the fault lies with the ‘BDSM crowd’ it is just that the issues and nuances are too subtle for vanillas to get. We can’t blame them – I think it is good that it is begining to creep into the mainstream but lament that people who don’t really know what they are talking about are put up to explain things.

    As for Archer – I have seen the clip where he spanks the stewardess – but I am not sure there is much more about spanking – but I don’t know.


  6. 7 Tiptopper

    Strange about bdsm people, they refer to spanking as bdsm light yet on all the bdsm spanking videos that I have seen, such as those on SpankingTube, the spankings are ridiculously light. They love to whip people with those light weight floggers that barely turn the skin pink. It’s all play acting and no real punishment.

    Maybe we should refer to bdsm as “spanking light”.

  7. I think it makes me a bit sad. I worry about all those lovely people out there who might want to be a bit interested in spanking and they think they have to be into all sorts.
    I really do not understand why ‘sexperts’ have to make stuff up- what is wrong with finding out about stuff? What is wrong with speaking to the right people?
    BDSM is not wrong, it is just different as is everything.
    Silly little people.

  8. 9 Emilio

    People have a lot of confusion in their heads.
    Brain washing, imho feminism + dr. Spock + other garbage, has worked very well. It will go on always worse until we don’t get rid of it.

  9. The problem with cultural diversity is that it can be confusing, We all have our personal fetishes and phobias and it’s simpler to live in culture where everybody else shares them,so we know what to expect from each other, The problem with censorship and thought police trying to force everybody to think alike is that it creates unnecessary conflicts over a lot of silly irrational nonsense and keeps us from being honest with each other. There are some rational reasons for ethical restrictions on sexual acts but spankings don’t create unwanted pregnancies or spread sexually transmitted diseases. We should not confuse Batman with a rapist or Gay pedophile just because he spanked a movie star named Marilyn who was turned on by it or Robin the Boy Wonder who wasn’t. We don’t arrest all the women for wearing miniskirts or men for looking at Sports Illustrated bathing suit pictures, Being sexually aroused or trying to sexually arouse somebody is not the same as having sex nor does it always even mean an intent to have sex. Whatever Freudian subtext spanking may suggest is like kissing. It’s defined by the context of the act rather than by any one specific universal meaning in the act itself. The B,D.S.M. context is just one of many. It creates serious social conflicts and cultural misunderstandings if we have censors and thought police restricting all public knowledge of any other context for it.

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