I was going to write a very different article about spanking in marriage. For one thing I was going to explore my unease about some Christians using their religion to justify wife spanking. Obviously it is alright to spank your wife, so long as you are not doing it for Jesus. Yeah that is where I stopped too.

This is a blog for the prurient so I am not going to get too dark or moralistic. I try to keep the moral hypocrisy for the heroes of my stories. CDD, LDD and indeed DD is never a justification for domestic violence and that everything that follows is with that in mind.

I get that, particularly in the US, some Christians hide their BDSM-related needs behind a veil of respectable Christianity. On reflection, if that is their coping mechanism then that is their business. This will offend some Christians and non-Christians alike, but consent between two (or more) consenting adults is not and should not be qualified by third parties.

I liked this contribution on one CDD forum.

“Hey, [if] I get out of line by husband takes a paddle to my bare butt. It hurts. I cry. That’s the way we both want it and I need it. If it ever got out of hand I would shoot the son-of-a-bitch. I really don’t see what Jesus has to do with it either way. The main problem I have is like when you are bent over the couch bawling your head off with the universe’s reddest bare bottom pointing at the room and someone can walk in.”

We don’t have those kinds of problems in our house and we often struggle with the whole thing. I know others do. Is it sex? Is it discipline? If other things aren’t right in a relationship then the whole spanking thing is the first to suffer.

Here is another Christian offering:

My husband and I battled with the idea of CDD when we first came upon it. It’s definitely out of the ordinary to think that a woman would consent to be submissive to her husband and follow that consent with an agreement that her husband is allowed to punish her for misbehaviour.

But, CDD has its place in our marriage. There are ebbs and flows to it, however. When I’m stressed over work and our family is going through multiple changes, it’s hard to focus on what CDD is meant to do. My husband often talks about the challenge of trying to determine when to enact punishments. I tell him that he has the right to punish me at any time he sees fit, but as he points out, it’s hard to spank someone who is always tired or has a headache. Add kids and good acoustics in the house, and finding a window of time for punishment can be difficult.

I would hazard that whilst Jesus might give her some good advice the bible doesn’t and this couple’s experience is a common one.

The ebbs and flows are a recognisable issue too. This couple were not alone here either.

We’ve only recently started again. Of course, we’ve been punishing each other through the normal unhealthy ways, silence treatment, being rude ++. Last Wednesday was a turning point. I’m blushing even to think about it, I’m so ashamed. I completely lost it with him that morning. I felt unfairly treated, and I let him have it and verbally attacked him outside. He let me have it too, but I was the one keeping it going. I can’t imagine what our neighbours might think if they heard us.

I felt so bad, but I couldn’t bring myself to apologize even. At night I approached him and said I didn’t like us arguing. “Friends again?” He said yes. I could still not bring the words “forgive me” or “I’m sorry” to pass my lips. Talk about stubborn and prideful.

We’d been spanking a little for fun during intimate moments, (it’s what works for us) That night I whispered a little embarrassed that I understood if he’d want to lay it down harder on me seeing how my behaviour had been so terrible. And he did. And he has continued to do so near every night since as a reminder and getting back in order kind of thing.

I’m embarrassed to say it still took me two days to apologize properly, but he was really gracious about it. Since that evening he’s let me know my actions will be dealt with in a more “hands-on” kind of way again when he sees it fit, and I’ve met with his belt once.

I really don’t like the belt, and he knows it. That’s why it’s effective too. He also told me I’ll be given a warning in most cases, but in behaviour that is completely out of whack like that Wednesday morning, I can be sure to expect consequences that fit the “crime” without any warnings prior.

One of Heinlein’s heroes has it in (and I may be paraphrasing here) “for the little things and there is always a good long hard spanking on the bare bottom. A woman having a good cry will cure most little things and some of the big ones. But for the really big ones there really is no substitute for sitting down and talking it through.”

Anyway that is just some observations for a Wednesday morning. More funs stuff soon.