The Pillars of Virtue


!5 indigo-signature-bannerMeditation

This is the last post in a series of seven on how people living this lifestyle can learn from the monastic life.

“I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.”   TS Elliott

“Everything can be used as an invitation to meditation” – Sogyal Rinpoche

Meditation is the way we remember what we never knew.

We soak up the world, which is quite right as we are creatures of the world.  We are consumed by meal times, shower cleaning, mud on shoes, work demands, email pings,  social requests and a thousand bits of other minutiae that prevent us from ever thinking too deeply about what we are doing on this big, old rock. Meditation is how we remember what we are and why we occupy this flesh for these precious few years.

“Before we can become who we really are, we must become conscious of the fact that the person who we think we are, here and now, is at best an impostor and a stranger.” Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

! 1You may be mother, father, worker, boss, cleaner of messes, driver, errand runner, washer, mender and a thousand other things. These are good roles, necessary roles and they can all be used to live the life you were born to. No task is unimportant, and no interaction is meaningless but these tasks are not who you are.

But for the moment let’s not talk of how the practical life may help us. Let us be impractical for, as every monk or nun knows, there are times within each day to connect to something eternal. This is the deeper pool, the deeper space, the deeper meaning and it will be different for each of us. Meditation is taking a step away from the every day and into the eternal truth.

“Like a magician’s illusions, dreams and a moon reflected in water, all beings and their environments are empty of inherent existence. Though not solidly existent, all these appear, like water bubbles coming forth in water” – Gung Tang

Meditation is how we become mindful of what is real. Forgive me for ascribing to you some of my own faults but it will be a comfort to me. This can be your good turn for the day, so some with me into my head for a few moments.

When people do unexpected things like turn up twenty minutes late for a drink or make a gentle joke about me I know exactly what is going on. I know that secretly this betrays their innermost feelings about me. I know what they think and it is all bad.

When someone a customer is rude at work I know that they look down on me and perceive me as a failure.

!4When DJ is busy and distracted and cannot hear me tell him about my day I know this is because he loves me a little less today.

Are you a little bit psychic like me? Do you know what other people think and feel?

If we were to be a little more monastic about this we may choose to detach ourselves from this illusion for a few minutes. We may choose to breathe and rest from the little hamster wheel of our worries and see the world a new. It would be also exactly as if we were not omniscient and we could let go of the burden of know everyone’s intentions and feelings*.

I know. Weird huh?

This may allow us to focus briefly on just what we should focus on, we could reduce our concern simply to what we should be concerned with, whatever that may be.

What might you choose to focus on if you were in charge of your own mind?

Some implements are meaningful. What implements have special meaning to you? How can you connect deeply to them and their meaning? Could certain implements be placed around the house so their meaning surrounds you?

What act is meaningful to you? Do you lock the doors at night to keep your family safe?

Do you cook a meal to sustain and care for those you love?

All of these are meditations.

What happens to your mental state during a very long session? I am talking about an experience with someone you trust. It could be that normal life melts away like a most excellent butler and you briefly see yourself and your love, perfectly silhouetted with every detail laid out for perusal. There is a preternatural calm as the truth of yourself and your lover is achieved by your physical selves and despite yourselves. You use your bodies to rise above the earthly- a perfect meditation.

“The Way to do is to be.” Lao Tzu

Each of your roles is you, entirely you. But sometimes we thrive on our roles that have only external meaning.  I make sure my work clothes are clean and ironed because they matter. I make sure we have food in the fridge and menus panned for parties.

Could I be said to put as much focus on the deeper self I aspire to? Small yet significant actions could be carried out to remind me of who I am to DJ and to myself. Keeping our bedroom tidy with nothing by the sides of our bed that speak of the world is a simple act and one of several that keeps us remembering ourselves.

How do you focus on your role that represents the inner you?!6

Visualise how you want to be, not how you want your partner to be. And this visualisation should not be led by the television, by magazines and by the air brushed personalities of the vapid modern hero. Think of those qualities you aspire to and not the qualities pushed upon you by a modern, commercial world. Mediate upon these and train yourself to see the illusory nature of the ambitions others have for you. You may wish to be mindful of what your partner requires- that depends on your relationship but consider it.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” Thich Nhat Nanh

Watch your own submission, or your own dominance.  Be mindful. Forgive yourself when you act in a way that is contrary to your aims and then start again. Forgive yourself a thousand times a day. Your thoughts, your small limitations are like puppies at play. See what mischief they are up to, smile at them and refocus.

Come back to yourself.

*Too sarcastic? I can’t help it. If I were a nun I am sure I would have to do penance for such sarcasm. But I am not so I can sarcast** away.

** I can also make up words. It is a perk of blogging and not at all a spankable offence.! 2Suggestions

  • Spend some time with an implement that has special meaning for you. It may be that you should wield it or have it used upon you. It might be that you should have in left in front of you after you have experienced it or you lay it on your desk. Consider it. What does it mean to you? What does it tell you of yourself?
  • Out aside some time each day to reflect. It could be while you run, while you bathe, while you walk or garden.
  • Play is often underrated as though it is easy or unimportant. It is neither. Get some colouring pencils or build a fort under the table, pass some time in  way that is decidedly unconstructive (but not focussed on the computer or the TV, the imagination of others is not your aim) and see what becomes of you.
  • Here is a written beginers guide to meditation 
  • Here is a website written for female submissives who wish to develop self aware submission
  • Here is a brief written meditation for women based on being a bit nicer to themselves about their bodies
  • Free downloads that may help to guide meditation – here is one and here is another
  • Don’t forget that meditation works best when it suits you. If wish to sit do so, if you wish to run then do so, if you wish to hit a pinata. Listen to yourself, deeply.!3

6 Responses to “The Pillars of Virtue”

  1. 1 Mark

    This entire series has been wonderful. Indigo revealed herself as few dare, as few are able, and displayed important insights. Very impressive.

    Since I am male and a dom, it means something a bit different to me. It is of course insight on the other side, always fascinating. It also applies to me, in slightly different ways.

    Today’s article offers a good example.

    “Could I be said to put as much focus on the deeper self I aspire to?

    “How do you focus on your role that represents the inner you?

    “Visualise how you want to be.”

    This brought to my mind Indigo’s earlier article on an ideal dom, the one that so inspired and pleased DJ.

    Since Indigo expressed truths (and does it exceptionally clearly and well) others can stumble on the same objective truths, even if not so well expressed.

    I can recall some very specific quiet times when I thought about many of those things in myself, those that I aspired to but had not given enough attention, those that felt like the inner me I was not expressing as I wanted, those that were what I wanted to be.

    I actually made a list, New Year’s Resolutions as it happens, that was similar in some ways to the list Indigo gave us.

    I spent quiet time regularly looking at it and thinking about it over the next months. It helped. I could feel it.

    It made me happier.

    It made my wife happier too.

    Indigo is right again.

  2. There is a door to another world within me that you never fail to open, dear Indigo. Today’s meditation will be to tidy the bedroom for Roman, with “nothing that speaks of the world.” What an act of submission that will be, as disorder makes him uncomfortable in his home, and our bedroom is the place where I am my messiest and most disorganized. And yet with a little work I can make it a place of love and sanctuary. That will be where I focus today. Tomorrow I will read this again and find another meditation. Xo, Scarlet

  3. 4 MrJ

    I find Sarlet’s as beautiful as I have found, like Mark. this series, which both resonates and very eloquently articulates much of what monastic life and TTWD mean to me
    May be meditation is even wider than remembering – it may ne commemoratng, maintaining, gradually recognizing.
    I will request my beloved one to write on these issues.

  4. Beautiful thoughts as always Indigo.

    I particularly love “It could be that normal life melts away like a most excellent butler…” – you capture something wonderful in that phrase for me. Your expression is so original.

    Thanks for the series. Especially as it’s meant you coming out to play more often! I love to think of you in London where I am.


  5. I love this. I have known for a while now that mindfulness and spirituality have a place in TTWD and it is great to see that acknowledged and nutured.

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