There is lots of advice about how to be a spanker; how to tell a girl off, what implements to use, corner time or not, how to twirl one’s moustache and so on and so on.

But there is pitiful little advice on how to be spanked and that is what I want to tell you about here.

Inspiration

Everyone needs to be inspired- even Tops that want to spank you like a little motivation to help goad him into action.  Inspire him to spank you by being the correct amount of naughty. This is a difficult balance. There is a whole world between naughtiness and unremitting evil and sorrow. A man is unlikely to want to spank you if you make him unhappy and fed up, so try not to be irritating or do things that genuinely annoy him. If you know him well you can judge this easily – for some men swearwords from a woman make them tense, for others it might be poking them or making repetitive jokes. Bratting is a delicate art, it is the flirting of the spanking world. Develop your bratting like you would any creative outlet.

He might spank you sometimes when you have been dreadful (this comes from a girl who is sometimes dreadful) but this should be rare. Don’t worry about helping out with this one, the show will pretty much happen without your input.

Most often he will spank you for being regular naughty so get in touch with your inner brat. But still be you be humouress, kind, thoughtful and aware of his needs. This will encourage him to return in kind. He will spank you anyway, because that is who he is. You will deserve it because of who you are.

Be Properly Attired

All grown up girls have date knickers. They cost far more money than we would normally spend on underwear and are delicate and labour intensive but they make us pretty so they are worth it. I have found that this world of spanking is more fun if you have lots and lots of pretty knickers. It lets him know that you want them to be seen and it encourages you to flash them at him in a tempting sort of a way. They do not all have to be expensive, some will be but others can be silly cheap ones. I love seasonal ones and ones with messages on the bum. (I like to encourage him to read.)

Avoid knickers that do not suit you- there are a million different styles and colours out there. I am a fan of the retro knicker, they are flattering,  feminine and horribly impractical. Knickers that offer a lot of coverage is the spankee’s friend. It offers a spanker the chance to unwrap a bottom, this cannot be done with a thong. You become a gift, let him unwrap you.

Besides, it is nice to feel pretty every day. I find pretty knickers (and stockings whenever possible) encourage me to be a little naughty. We should dress appropriately and it is appropriate for me to be covered in lace and ribbons. What about you?

Be Self Aware

Be aware of what you are feeling as much as possible. If you think you are in a difficult mood and you can say as much to him it can help. You could say things like, “I am in a difficult mood. I might bite you if you make me mad. I hope you can spank hard enough to cope.” Men like to know where they stand and subtle hints can fall on deaf ears. If you just say, “I am in a difficult mood.” He will think that you are telling him about your mood- he is unlikely to work out that you are telling him much more than that.

The man who spanks me knows that if I am difficult it helps us both to spank me quite a lot. It prevents me being snippy and tense which leads to me being spanked anyway. I have learned that with this lifestyle I can let myself go a little with my feelings because he has the tools to deal with them. But I have to know and understand myself and I have a responsibility to be as clear as possible about my needs.  Although good quality spankers (like mine) get very good at reading the signs once they get to know you, but it helps to help them too.

If I get angry I sometimes overreact to him. He tells me off, puts me in the corner and spanks me hard. That might seem unfair but it works perfectly and saves hours of angst. I appreciate his response because it works for me. It does not matter why I am angry, I might have an excellent reason for being angry and we both know this.

We talk after I have been spanked, even if I am mad at him. It works for us.

Learn your own patterns of behaviour and talk about them simply and clearly when you can. Together you can work out what fits for your relationship. Spanking can be a short cut through some very difficult emotional territory allowing emotions to be calm so you can talk through whatever might need to be resolved without things getting heated.

Don’t Read Too Much About Spanking

I do understand the irony of writing about not reading too much but it really matters that you heed this. I know that when I write a spanking I can make the man say exactly what I think he should. It takes hours for me to work out just what I want to hear. I often go back and rewrite what a Top says.  I read about men who are all about 6 foot 7 ‘’ and who know exactly what to do all the time and in every way. They are emotionally sensitive, totally prepared for every come back and every difficult situation. They are muscular, gentle and able to take a woman’s jeans off when she s OTK whilst holding her in place.

In real life a Top has to deal with a situation without taking half an hour to think of every come back and he does not have the benefit of an omnipotent being (who is really into spanking) creating his world. He might have a cold. The phone might ring with an urgent work issue to deal with. He might do or say something that works and is sensible but differs so much from what he says in your mind that it makes you mad. Do not compare him to Tops* in books. He is better because he is real.

*Except Rochester from Jane Eyre. He is a great Top, really very Toppy but terribly flawed. When your Top screws up check your attic, if there is no mad woman in there you may consider yourself ahead of the game.

A Final Word About Reading If You Read Blogs

There are lots of blogs with people telling you about their spanking lives. It is lovely to read about spanking couples, especially when you are looking for that yourself. Like any relationship, people have good days and bad days. Most of us do not write too much about the bad days but they happen. The most Toppy of Tops will screw up or have an off day. Do not get too annoyed when yours does. So if you read a blog about two perfect people that are always having sexual interludes and perfect spankings you know they are just writing the good bits. The bad bits happen to all of us. Some blogs admit to them, some do not. I have some spectacular screw ups and horrible moments in my relationship but we get through them, talk and move on.

When it goes wrong – forgive and get over it.

So you have a spanking or discipline event that is not great- it happens to us all. He does something unexpected that jolts you out of your mood. You get interrupted and you can’t get back to it for a while. You can’t quite put your finger on what you need but you know damn well that whatever he just did was not it. You get mad. Your submissive headspace (which you need to take the spanking) high tails it out of there and leaves you spitting like a cat. The best thing you can do is forgive him, forgive the world and climb over his knee- you will have to do this before you feel like it. This brings me to my final point.

It is Gloriously Unfair.

Fair is wonderful and it is for trade and as much of life as you can make it but seldom does fair work in spanking.

It is not fair that he has to be calm and consistent when you get mad and kick his shoes across the room. (I gave that example from my imagination and it should in no way be imagined that I have ever done that, especially not eight days ago leading to a very hard hairbrush spanking that left bruises for ages.)

It is not fair that when he makes a mistake he can say sorry and get forgiven but you get spanked for it.

It is not fair that an adult woman might have to stand in the corner or get told off by a man that she is equal to in every respect.

But you found this wonderful, delicious, enriching way to make things feel better and make you feel wonderful and so fair is not something you should be worrying about. So if it works, if it makes you happy, if it harms no one (except your bum) then carry on.

Fairness is nothing compared to the peaceful joy of feeling submissive and cared for.