Embarrassment

01Jul15

1indigo1 indigo-signature-bannerGetting told to leave my computer and come into the bedroom is ominous. I always like to think that it is for kissing but it seldom is. Kissing can be done anywhere after all. I find it embarrassing because I am being self sufficient and grown up until you come and get me.

324You hold my head in your hands and talk to me, eye to eye, hard words in my ears making me blush. I am shy, embarrassed to be spoken to like this.

Getting made to bend over and having my pretty knickers taken down without any comment how lovely they are (pale blue, sheer at the back, white lace at the front and they match my bra) that is embarrassing. I like to be clothed, I like to feel a little dignity and that is hard in that position. I suspect you know this.

Being told you will count each stroke and call him Sir is embarrassing. It is a total lack of control, not only over what happens but over how I react to it.

The noises I make when each stroke hits, the little kicks I make as I try to take the pain in and the way at some point I reach out to grab his hand, that I still need his comfort, even as he hurts me that is embarrassing.

Being put in the corner afterwards – that is embarrassing, my skirt held up at the back as I try to surreptitiously rub while he busies himself doing his work. Being ignored just enough for him not to be holding me but not enough not to see me drop my skirt or try to escape.

But most embarrassing of all is that I stay in the corner because I know by now that if I try to leave he will just take me back to the corner with an even sorer bum.

1indigo4And most embarrassing is that I take the cane strokes because you know you earned them.

And most embarrassing is that I say the words he tells me to from a combination not just of forced acquiescence but at some level a genuine respect for his authority.

And most embarrassing is that the man that lowers my knickers is the same man that sometimes slips his hands inside them but now he would not even consider such pleasure for me.

And most embarrassing is being told to bend over, like a clichéd school girl to adopt an ignoble position.

And most embarrassing are the words he uses to tell me off.

And most embarrassing of all is that moment right at the start, the descent from independent adult to submissive that happens in a split second when I look up from what I type to see his eyes and I know right away what he intends and there is nothing at all I can do about it.

1indigo2

 



11 Responses to “Embarrassment”

  1. You are a wonderful writer! I share your writing with a lot of people. We all agree that you are fabulous !
    Peace and Love

  2. Me too! I’m always reading things to T. You have a lilt to your words that grabs me and takes me right inside your world – and everything you say is exactly how it feels to be submissive. Would DJ ever let you have your own blog? (Pretty please…)

    BBxx

  3. Agree with angelandBlackbird and like the pictures too.
    DeborahGifford

  4. There is an invisible line in the life we share when the authority becomes oh so real. You write about it beautifully. Love to you. Xo

    • 5 DJ

      Thanks everyone – especially Scarlet and Angel -quite the popular girl my Indigo – I am hoping she will write more often at some point, but she seems to think it is not her day job for some reason and that she is busy. 😉

      Blackbird – As for getting her own blog – I am afraid I am a big meanie (her words) and I won’t let her play out on her own in big bad Spankville. Not at the moment anyway. 😦

      • DJ – I LOVE that you are so protective of Indigo. It fits with all that she writes. It was only my longing for more which prompted my request! I shall just have to be content with Wednesdays….

        BBxx

  5. 7 Amy

    Beautiful writing! You are getting at the core of TTWD.

  6. 8 Becky

    This is a beautiful description of the feelings I have when assigned a punishment caning. I always have 15-20 minutes, after my misbehaviour has been reviewed and punishment pronounced, standing facing the wall hands firmly by me sides with my cardigan/sweater and skirt or dress held up and with my knickers lowered so that my bare behind and thighs which are to be caned are on display. This gives me chance to reflect on my wrongdoing, the pain and humiliation I am to receive and how this correction can help me avoid repetition. As for Indigo I then am lectured again before the ultimate indignity of having to bend and touch my toes and again endure the helplessness of having my cardi and skirt raised and my knickers lowered. I am normally close to weeping already by this point but am brought to attention so that I remember the words I am to use to thank HoH after each stroke. Finally it is the wait before the first stroke which shoots through me. As they are applied the words of thanks for my correction after each stroke become harder to summonse. I can normally take four strokes before I start to cry and am reduced to the level of the naughty school girl my behaviour shows me to have been. After the allocation is all applied having to stand up is at first a relief but then having to face HoH with my knickers down and clothing undone and apologise again completes my humiliation. Finally of course I am sent to the corner my cardi and dress pinned up and knickers around my ankles with my hands on my head or finger tips on my shoulders (to prevent and feeling of my striped behind and thighs) to reflect on my stupidity, recover from the pain, accept my correction and prepare to improve my behaviour. I normally get 30-60 minutes and if I fail to stay in position I get further punishment. Overall the procedures and the caning itself always teaches me my lesson and prevents re offence for some time at least.

  7. 10 MrJ

    Again a beautiful;, livewd-through account


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