The Journal



I am telling you this because I wish someone had told me about it when we started on this. This is a practice that helps us and may help some of you who live this life style. I understand that for some people this would be a terrible idea and those people should give this a miss.

questions2Once a week I bring a notebook to DJ that has these questions at the start of it. He picks 3, 4 or 5 of them and returns the book to me.

I take the book to our bedroom and read the questions through. I take a bath and think about how I will answer these questions and then I write the answers in the book. I write them by hand, using a fountain pen. I write the answers slowly. I take care over them and I am utterly honest.

He comes to me and reads what I have written. I don’t interrupt as he reads which is hard sometimes as I want to know what he thinks. Sometimes he puts my across his lap, with the book on my naked back but often he sits on the bed and I curl into him.

Afterwards we may talk. He mostly spanks me, sometimes to punish me and set the slate clean, sometimes to teach me what he wants me to hear and sometimes just because he wants to.questions3

This is a very simple practise but it helps support us in our lifestyle. It reminds us both of our roles – his is to lead and to guide, mine is to accept and follow. It gives me a chance to tell him something I have kept from him. It reasserts the importance of honesty and communication in what we do. There is so much more to it than this, so many reasons why this helps us – it would take a book to tell you what a difference this book makes.

Here are the questions we have.

1) Tell me about a secret you have kept this week.

2) Tell me something you have felt guilty about this week.

3) Tell me something you wish you’d been punished for this week.

4) Tell me about a time when you were disrespectful to me this week.

5) Tell me about a time when you did not tell the truth this week.

6) Tell me about a bad habit you have had this week.

7) Tell me something rude you’ve been daydreaming about

8) Tell me about the time you felt most submissive this week

9) Tell me about the time you felt safest this week.

10) What is one thing you would like to change about your behaviour next week?

11) Tell me about a punishment you read about or thought about last week.

12) Tell me about a time you were good this week.

13) Tell me about something you have seen that intrigued you this week.

14) Tell me a wish you have had this week (even if you think it is silly.)

15) Tell me about something that you are scared you or worried about.

16) Tell me something you are proud of this week.

17) Tell me something simple you could do to make yourself feel better next week.

18) Tell me about a time this week when you did not live up to your expectations you have for yourself.

19) Tell me about something you did this week to nurture your childlike side.

20) Tell me when you felt happiest this week.




6 Responses to “The Journal”

  1. 1 MrJ

    I know the sense of frequent writing assignments. to support true communication and exchange. They encourage some real reflection, and yield the initiative to the submissive.
    I never thought of questions like these, though. They are beautiful, and make a lot of sense.

  2. I love this idea. The questions are so gentle and thoughtful. But am i brave enough to write the truth?

  3. 3 Lily

    Those are great questions for encouraging communication. Sometimes writing is much better than talking, I think, because you can put more thought into what you want to say and how you want to phrase it.

    Scarlet, would you be more comfortable if you got to chose some of the questions, too?

  4. 4 DJ

    This is Indigo!
    Thank you, Mr J. It does help to have the time to reflect.

    Scarlet, I think what we do requires trust and, although it is scary, it is rewarding to be so open. It will help both of you. You could take out the scariest questions and ask him to pick what he wants you to ask. If there is something that you dare not say I would suggest you spend some time thinking about it. What are you afraid of? Is it worth working through that fear to bring you closer?

    Lily, thank you. I agree about taking the time. I tend to think much more clearly when I have some time to chose my words. DJ appreciates being in the position to ask what he wants to know.


    • Indigo, I showed this to Roman, and he was –in a word–enthusiastic. We’re going to give this a try. Thank you for sharing this idea, and your questions. There is a part of me that would like to immediately change the questions: “Tell me about a time when you deserved a treat, and give me some ideas for how to spoil you rotten.” But that will make it a joke, and not real, and I think I respond to Roman with humor too much already. It is always easier to laugh together than it is to be serious, and he is that way, too. I think this will help us. xo, Scarlet

  5. What great questions. 🙂 Thank you for sharing, Indigo. 🙂

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