Indigo Sigh: Bitterness


indigo3Bitterness is part of life.

Is that true? Is it inevitable that we succumb occasionally to the delicious self-indulgence that is bitterness?

It is normal to find yourself questioning the daily injustices that we must all endure. It is sensible to feel annoyed when you are given extra work due to someone else’s incompetence or laziness.   It is understandable to roll your eyes when the last seat on the bus is taken by someone who nipped in front of you in the queue. It is only human to sign in annoyance when a heavy rain begins just as you are due to walk home and the wind picks up making you dig your neck into your collar and screw your face up in an impotent attempt to shame the inclement weather.

These sensible, human, understandable reactions build up to form a day, then a week and soon they become a habit. It is this that expects the worse, whilst being unable to accept it. More than that, it is this habit that makes these slight injustices seem like an intentional pattern. Your heart hardens against the planner and the planet. Bitterness, even the small understandable type has become part of your life.

It is when I feel tossed about on the sea of injustice that is part of being alive that I can grasp at the saving, strong hand of a lover. He strides into my day with tea, a huge hug and warmth that goes into my bones. I smile into his chest and breathe out and in deeply as though to accept him into me. This makes it much worse when the spanking starts. I don’t know why it starts. It seems to be just another injustice.

“Oh, for God’s sake- not now,” is my reaction to this unpleasant turn of events.

I fight him in these fifteen minutes with more verve than I gave to the entire rest of the day.

Despite my silence at work, I tell him, full throttle, what I think of his timing. His hand doesn’t pause in its assault.

I push against his thighs straining to get up with a force that did not show itself to the rude bus queue jumper. He grips me firmly around the waist and pushes me back down.

I whine and plead at the start when he takes my knickers down and then later when it really starts to hurt my whining gets higher and harder. These aren’t indigo3cwords, they are whatever the opposite to a battle cry is. It is a white flag in a cry, a loud, long, vocal giving up. When I was assaulted by the wind and rain I endured it all in grim silence.

It is only afterwards that I realise the only sound that remains is the one he is making – one hand clapping. My breathing is my response to him, it rises and falls to take what he gives me. I accept this.

This justice wipes clean the rest of my day. I accept it and, in my gratitude, show him my appreciation in the way that a girl like me does best.

To answer my question from the start, I do not think bitterness inevitable.

I am not so sure about the inevitability of spanking.


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13 Responses to “Indigo Sigh: Bitterness”

  1. 1 George

    Sorry (I’m not), it is…

  2. 2 Jon MontanaVega

    Here it is the start of my day. Your pure reflection looking back at your day is invigorating as I look forward to the day ahead. Illuminating writing. Thanks, Jon

  3. This is a terrible injustice. I know DJ will rethink all this now that you’ve told him how you feel.

  4. Having bitterness come into your life is inevitable, I think. Holding on to it need not be: that is a choice. If you can take a deep breath, look at what caused the bitterness, put it in perspective, and let it go on your own, then I think that DJ won’t spank you. At least not for that. 😉

    • 6 DJ

      and sometimes we can be too literal 😉

      but hell she can be so esoteric sometimes so I entirely sympathise. 🙂

  5. It’s Wednesday, and I have looked forward all day to come and see what you have been thinking about, what adventure you have been on since last we met.

    Bitterness, no I don’t think it is inevitable. It is simply a way we can choose to respond to events that may start out as just annoyance, hurt feelings, or true injustice, but when bitterness takes root, it distorts our perception, and if allowed to fester, it eventually distorts our life by changing the filter by which we see things. How fortunate you have someone who can adjust your filters, clean them out, and refocus you. What a luck girl. 😉

    As to a spanking, well, I do believe THAT is inevitable. It seems they can always find some reason. 🙂

  6. I have often noticed that a girl’s wantivation is not necessarily in sync with her needlitude. Apparently, the girl who wrote this piece, quite well, I might add, also is discovering this discrepancy.

  7. 11 SirSpanksALot

    I am very curious, Indigo, and hope I am not too forward in asking: It seems DJ often writes tales including punishments that go beyond spanking and corner time into realms off the beaten path, so to speak. Are these fancies of his or do you, as his girl, suffer these sorts of punishments in real life?

    If so I would be very keen to get your perspective on such practices, perhaps in a future installment?

    If I am out of order in my curiosity in this matter I beg your forgiveness.

    • 12 DJ

      You will have to wait to see what Indigo tells us … but bear in mind I spin truth with half-truth and fantasy…

  8. 13 DJ

    Thanks everyone – Indigo thanks you too 🙂

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