A short guide to disciplinary techniques in a DD relationship

02Aug13

spanking guideNow this short article, whilst hopefully being informative, is not intended to be exhaustive and can better be viewed as a bit of fun.

Many of you will either be in a spanking or DD relationship or will have had one at some point. If not then no doubt your turn will come.

As you will know the reality of such experiences differ markedly from spanking fiction. The main reason for this is that on one hand Tops and Doms and on the other Bottoms and Subs have the inconvenient status of being real people.

These terms (Tops, Doms, Bottoms and Subs – not ‘real people’) are used advisably as none quite satisfy true definition, but given the on-going debate here they are a useful shorthand.

But as real people they tend not to behave or respond as you want them too.

This is as real an issue for the submissive half of the relationship as for Mr Dom Top, but we will come back to that. Let us first address the other side for the uninitiated.

Ladies and Gentlemen please pardon the language in advance but it is a dead cert that at this point there is a small selection of readers who are saying “the bitch had better do what I want her to or…” well you know the type of thing. Therefore we must take a moment to remind ourselves of the term relationship. Do you see where we are going with this?

A relationship is and can only be between equal partners built on trust and mutual respect. The rules in DD you see are no different from any other relationship. If you are 20 and into This Thing That We Do (another irritating little phrase that we will employ as a shorthand), then you may be forgiven for struggling with this; if you are over 40 then not so much.

Okay so she has agreed to and wants to get taken in hand, brought into line and to cut a long story short get spanked (in some form or other actual practices differ so see small-print for details). But she isn’t going to make it easy for you. Come on get a life.

She has a job and is probably the manager of two dozen people on a salary that may well exceed yours. Imaginative intelligent women are often much more likely to be submissive than otherwise. And here again for clarity the reverse is not also true – in other words not all intelligent imaginative women want you to take her in hand in any shape of form. So do be aware.

In other words, unless you are just playing at it or having a scene, then an argument is an argument and she is going to give you static until you can get on her wavelength and calmly and psychologically sort her out so to speak.

After all the women who are serious about this want help to be better than they are and not give into certain behaviours. If this was easy then you my dominant friend would be surplus to requirements.

Also it has to be said that she may want you to win but that doesn’t mean she is going to roll over without a fight.

All of this is before her parents just happen to drop in, her boss phones up or infallible you (or sometimes her) have seriously screwed up and it is all hands to the pump in the grown-up world.

On the other hand she has just as many problems with you.

In books the masterful hero always reads the bratty heroine right, always knows what to do and can probably pick her up and throw her into the next county for good measure. I don’t know about you but even though I can still (almost) bench-press my own weight I gave up wench-throwing along with rugby when I turned 40.

It is a challenge always being in charge and manfully being the answer to a maiden’s prayers. Try it sometime. Seriously, it is hard work spanking a wench whenever and wherever she needs it. Shakes head. But somebody has to do it.

Look in the mirror sometime. How do you stack up against Wolverine or James Bond?

Okay let us say that you have trust and mutual respect and that you are both compatible. What next?

spanking guideSpanking

How long and how hard do you spank?

This can only be deduced from experience and varies from woman to woman.

Start off slow and soft and build up. Even die-hard roughtie-toughtie girls can get in the wrong head space if you start off too hard and fast.

Spanking on the bare bottom is always desirable for more reasons than one. It is as well to monitor ‘damage’ as you go.

spanking guideSpanking implements

What do you use to spank a woman with?

For beginners and experts alike you cannot beat the hand. It is always there at the end of your arm (well usually – sorry if it is not) and it can only take so much punishment itself so being overzealous is much less likely.

Even after you graduate to other implements the hand is a classic and the intimacy of it cannot be underestimated.

Then we have the trusty hairbrush, clothes brush or bath brush. Apart from the weight and therefore severity, they are all variations of the same things as far as spanking is concerned. The advantage of these common household items is that they are also easily come by and are in no way incriminating when her parents come to call.

If you want something harsher but discretion is important then a man’s belt is a good staple. It is also a good psyche tool as some girls turn to jelly at the sound of leather pulled through trouser hoops.

Specialist items like leather paddles are often preferable as they sting as much but often do not bruise. But do be careful where you leave them. Also do be careful when using wooden or other unyielding paddles or she really won’t sit down for a week and medical help may be required.

Other equipment like canes, crops and the like require some skill and practice and are only for the truly committed. But they are obtainable and can be hung at the back of the wardrobe or secreted in a hat-stand.

One person even bought a Charlie Chaplin outfit ‘for a fancy dress party’ which just happened to come with a cane. See, you can hide things in plain sight. Same goes for riding crops. They can be wall ornaments or a legacy from a horsey youth.

But we are veering into areas that are not strictly spanking.

Canes, crops and birches are whole other level.

spanking guideSpanking techniques and positions

These are too many and varied but here are few things to keep in mind.

Over the knee (OTK) is a good standard start. Obviously for use of the cane and such this will not work so the girl might need to stand up and bend over.

If bending, beginners should have her use a chair or bed to bend over. You cannot expect most girls to hold position if you mean it.

The other aspect of spanking that cannot be stressed enough is cause and effect.

She has to know why she is being spanked and ideally should agree that she deserves it. Then in a non-confrontational way, she should be scolded and put in the correct submissive frame of mind.

Failure to do this can make the whole experience unpleasant for both parties and instead of clearing the air, it can cause resentment.

As with above, it is a good idea to always begin with a gentle hand-spanking and build up. At the same time one should reiterate the offence and continue with an appropriate level of scolding.

Some women cry. This is usually good. It is an emotional response and it usually means that the spanking is working. A woman who is growling angrily through gritted teeth is probably not in the right head space.

But do not worry if there are no tears. These are a rare gift. Listen for gentle whimpering and laboured breathing as both can mean she is struggling but not resentful. It is a good indicating of how she is doing.

Also don’t be afraid to stop. Use the pauses for scolding and maybe a time out in the corner if you are really making a point.

spanking guideCorner time

Corner time is the ultimate bondage position. However much she complains, if she goes to the corner she has to contend with the fact that she is submitting and is a under discipline.

You can leave a woman alone in the corner, but unless you are confident she won’t challenge you in absentia, you might consider light bindings around thumbs that can be removed but not replaced coupled with having her press a coin to the wall with her forehead or nose.

Talcum powder on the floor, small objects that can’t easily be put back if disturbed can also be of use. In sororities, they used a trick involving empty bottles crossed with pencils set behind the ankles.

Some women can handle corner time better than others.

For some 20 minutes is hard and others can handle two or three hours, but note this is extreme and presents health issues without practice and know-how.

Start off with short periods, after all 5 minutes is a long time for a girl in the corner.

Also corner time with anticipation is effective beforehand and although it is satisfying for a top to see his handiwork set in the corner, many women want to be forgiven after a spanking and do not respond well to after spanking corner time.

Also it is wise to be aware of any issues such as back pain and the like. A 20-year-old will ruefully pout after an hour in the corner (on the whole) but the more mature miss might struggle both physically and mentally so start off slowly as with spanking.

spanking guideFigging and other invasives

This is a delicate subject and one that can be left entirely out of the equation if it squicks either partner.

This is effective both as a supplement to a spanking or if for some reason (such as noise) spanking is difficult it can be a substitute in its own right.

Proceed with care.

At one end of the spectrum (so to speak) there is the simple mouth soaping for lying or swearing. It is a juvenile punishment and not for everyone.

More usually we address ourselves to the other end. Here we are in the territory of anal plugs of various sizes. Small ones can be worn as day wear for added submissive discomfort, but more usually the woman will be lying down with the largest she can handle inserted in her bottom.

Figging is a variant of this that involves ginger or some other mild abrasive to really get a girl’s attention. Beware of women with allergies and also of those who do not get much sensation from it.

At the extreme end we have enemas, which is a subject in its own right.

spanking guideSpanking Regimes

This is an interesting area. Most couples have a spanking regime even if they do not think of it as such. For instance, some couples start the day off with a spanking or if not they will have some spoken or unspoken rules as to when a spanking will be due.

In a more formal setting more elaborate rituals may be temporary punishment sets that can be employed.

At the moderate end we are talking about maintenance spanking. This is where a girl is spanked at regular set intervals for no particular reason other than to let her know her place and to remind her what will happen if she truly steps out of line.

A classic spanking regime may be also be imposed as an elaborate punishment.

For instance for some serious offence a girl may be told that she will be spanked every morning and again every evening for a set number of days. These spankings maybe varied with canes and such or in extreme cases before witnesses for added (spice) humiliation.

These are options not obligations and will be applied according to the nature of the relationship and what has been agreed.

Ultimately the spanking regime is the overarching arrangement that forms the basis of the relationship.

Any one of the headings above could be a book let alone an article in its own right so if you want to know more, proceed with care and research more wildly. But above all be safe and have fun.



14 Responses to “A short guide to disciplinary techniques in a DD relationship”

  1. 1 Kia

    A very thorough, level-headed, and informative overview- thanks for sharing.

    Your sports sound much more interesting than American sports. I imagine you were quite the accomplished wench thrower. 🙂

  2. 2 paul1510

    Damian,
    thanks for the discipline 101. 😉
    I’ve been to a lot of agricultural shows, unfortunately wench throwing was never on offer, I opine that it would be much more popular than welly throwing. 😀
    Paul.

  3. 3 Laura

    Love your point of view and especially appreciated you highlighting the fact that real people are different from fictional people. I laughed at the wench throwing also. Too funny!

  4. I am a mature woman that spent much of her life fantasizing about being spanked. Now it has come to be a reality that I am in a spanking relationship with a “Daddy Dom” who wants true DD 24/7. The convergence of both of our ideas about how that works is something we are always fine tuning. It can be frightening to go from the fantasy to reality for me and I think sometimes I’m frustrating for him. Loved the topic and the point of view and would love to hear more along these lines. Thank you. 🙂

    • I’m about to begin living with my BF next year and I’m really worried about handling the DD relationship… I’m not quite sure I’ll be able to work it out.

      • If you are worried about it, you had better start talking about it! Are you doing it now and having problems? The time to work on the details of this is now, not after you have moved everything you own in with a man who wants to beat you because you burned the toast or something you said rubbed him the wrong way. This kind of thing can be amazing and powerful or it can be destructive and painful. It will be what you put the effort to make it. Communicate, research, experiment. Does this man truly have your best interests at heart? Does he deserve your submission? Only you know the answers.

  5. A great, down-to-earth description of what it’s like to be in a DD-relationship, breathing the very essence of it’s magic – humour. Thank you.

  6. 8 Svetlana

    Corner time being “the ultimate bondage position” … I’ve felt like that, but I’ve never seen it expressed that well before.

  7. 9 DJ

    Well it is just one point of view – and I know some will be disconcerted by the departure into reality – but I am glad it was appreciated 🙂

  8. 10 scarlet

    Very well thought out, DJ. It’s true that real life 24/7 is not like spanking fiction, except on the odd occasion when it is. What is true in its finest hours is that I feel truly taken care of, looked after and really seen, by a man who prefers to be in charge and, in fact, insists upon it. That’s the subtle subtext to spanking and punishment; my own D/s relationship expresses itself in so many ways, of which punishment is only one.

    Mostly it creates an intensity that makes our previous vanilla relationship pale by comparison. There is such depth and honesty and real dependence on him (not financial or emotional neediness, but a strong couples bond that surpasses anything I could have imagined BTTWD –before this thing we do!) The minute I gave over control, he took it up so quickly and thoroughly that for us it feels completely natural. No wonder we are far more settled this way, even if there are struggles. I am somewhat submissive but have to be put into the right frame of mind for it to work–you are right about noticing a woman’s mindset–I’m sure i don’t make it easy for him. That’s just part of our dynamic.

    I laughed at the wench throwing, too, but also at the crop secreted in the hat stand. Hiding things in plain sight, are we? 🙂

    • 11 DJ

      Hi Scarlet,

      I am glad it works for you – it sounds as if your life lies firmly at the more painless end of TTWD 🙂 Well I hope so.

      Exploration of the dynamics is a slow burn and a slow build I find – but worth it 🙂

  9. 12 MissLizzy

    Warm, funny and all around good essay. I gave a giggle at the “how do you stack up against Wolverine” line. I’d say don’t worry. Most women don’t want a superhero, just a man that makes them feel like a million bucks even when they’re looking like a buck and change.
    I have to say you did leave out my own favorite (almost) part of a good spanking: The cuddle after. I don’t think I could enjoy one without the other.

    • 13 DJ

      cuddles are good too. 🙂

      Alespankee – I agree with Baby girl – you should get together on this now and not assume things for later.


  1. 1 chross.blogt.ch

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