It just isn’t cricket


cricket spankingcricket spankingYears ago while looking into renting a house in Berkshire to an American family there was a rather amusing incident.

The rather chipper young boy, who was around six, was full of questions.

“Do you have a Christmas in England?”

“Do you play baseball?”

“Do you have tea with the Queen?”

Well he was six, but his incessant questions seemed to embarrass his parents, much to the amusement of his teenage sister.

Then he noticed the cricket bat in the corner. Every home in England has one. A relic from when, in one’s youth, you didn’t actually ever play cricket. A happenstance that explains why the old willow was as immaculate as the day it was bought.

It was truthfully explained to the father, who suddenly stopped looking bored when the conversation moved onto sport, that yours truly had been the twelfth-man in all the matches called up for; a testament to ones sporting prowess if ever there was one.

“Oh really, is that an important position?” He said.

“Not really.” Well for those of you who know nothing about cricket, which would include this writer, twelfth-man is a substitute who only ever plays when something goes wrong.

“But what is that for?” Junior pipes up again pointing at the bat. “It’s a pretty big paddle. Does it hurt?”

Before anyone could explain he went on to say that he was too little for the paddle.

At this point the teenaged girl did a fair impersonation of a tomato and it was her parent’s turn to laugh.

The conversation was quickly changed, but you have to wonder if the paddle the girl knew about could handle a six ounce solid ball at 120 mph without breaking? That was what you were thinking wasn’t it? Now is that cricket?

10 Responses to “It just isn’t cricket”

  1. 1 paul1510

    it’s a rare American who really understands the British attitude to sport. 😉
    I love cricket, but you need two fully functional eyes to play, which I didn’t and still don’t have. 😀

  2. 2 C

    Getting whacked with a cricket bat is indeed painful. It happened to me at school many years ago.

  3. 3 Scarlet

    All I know about cricket (or think I know) is that you stop for tea in the middle. Which might be a good idea for a spanking with a cricket bat, too.

  4. 4 DJ

    C confused – but nothing was or is given away in public – hope this comment still stands.

    Paul – I can’t play cricket with both eyes.

    Scarlett – a game of cricket is theoretically endless – even today they play 5 day tests and the game can still end in a draw. so its not just tea they stop for – but lunch – dinner and sleep 😉

    DJ 😉

    • 5 Charles

      The comment is fine. I originally posted without realising I was logged into a WordPress account I hadn’t intended to use.

    • And people here complain that nine innings of baseball is too long!

  5. 7 Karl Friedrich Gauss

    Little brothers say the darndest things sometimes.

  6. I love the thwacking sounds of cricket. I also like Pimms which I have drunk several times whilst “watching” cricket.

  7. 9 Charles


    ONE innings of baseball seems longer than five days of cricket!

  8. 10 Scarlet

    Maybe they should sell Pimms at our ballparks!

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