Caned cousin: an anecdote


Here is a little snippet from something called Memoirs of a Pervert, which was knocking around in the late 1980s.

Although, as I have said, my formative years were the 1950s, the seal was put upon my proclivities after a visit to my Aunt Margaret way back in 1961.

I was 14 and one Saturday my father, for some unknown reason took it upon himself to take me on a visit to see my Aunt Margaret. I was more than a little reluctant to go, because it meant missing the football.

Aunt Margaret lived with her daughter, my cousin Jane, who was well into her 20s by then, so she was not especially likely to be a suitable playmate and as predicted within 10 minutes of us arriving I was bored. Then Aunt Margaret disappeared upstairs to get something, the reason for our visit probably and so I decided to look around. That’s when I saw the cane.

It was an odd thing to find in a family home, but given my secret I was intrigued.

“Put it down,” my father said.

“What is for?” I asked.

“I expect it is for Jane, now put it down,” he said.

“It can’t be,” I said wanting desperately to believe my father wasn’t kidding.

“Put it down,” my father was anxious now, for some reason he didn’t want to upset Aunt Margaret, I never did find out why, so Dad took the cane and put it back in the corner just as my aunt returned.

“That’s for Jane when she needs it,” my aunt said quite casually, “she’s still under my roof after all,” she explained to my father, perhaps a little defensively.

Now I wish I could say that I got to see it in action, but sadly no. However the cane stayed in the corner for several years longer and when I was a bit older I managed to ask Jane about it at a family wedding.

She was very uncomfortable about my question and try to duck it, but I was in full perv’ mode by then so I asked directly if her mother still used the cane.

“Not always,” Jane said blushing, “sometimes she uses a brush.”

Pure gold in my book, but I never did find out more.

The book was one of those ‘factual’ pulp-paperbacks rescued from a box put out for the jumble in former a shared house. Incidentally, it was found with several books from the George Revelli, Commander Amanda Series, so one of the contributors must have been a spanko. A search for it online hasn’t been too fruitful.

5 Responses to “Caned cousin: an anecdote”

  1. 1 Karl Friedrich Gauss

    Sounds authentic to me. And locating it in Britain makes it all the more credible. Thanks for posting this, Damien. These R/L anecdotes are the greatest!

  2. 2 DJ

    Thanks Karl,

    and very interesting – I hadn’tthought about it until you said. I, like you, had automatically assumed that it was a British story. But I no longer have the original reference (ie the book itself) and I don’t recall.

    What is it about this that gives it such a distinctly Bristish ‘voice’?


  3. There’s a cane in the story.

  4. The language
    “pure gold”, “try to duck it”, “in full perv mode”
    Those are such English phrases that it has to be English.

    And it has a cane in it.

  5. Poppy, you’re right! The cane was not the only clue. Here’s another Britishism, I guess: “missing the football.” We would just say “missing football.” No “the.” Unless we were literally missing a very specific football, the one that was supposed to be in the garage, but now isn’t.

    Are there many English men in “full perv mode?” I thought for sure you could find those over here, too!

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