The Lady’s not for blooming


Just to show that people really do get spanked in the real world, here is an amusing (no shocking tsk) newspaper report from 1964, which was carried in the St Josephs News-Press. You couldn’t make it up.

Gardener Admits Spanking wife of Viscount Portman of the Portman Estate

Viscount Portman’s head gardener admitted today he gave Lady Portman a severe spanking to show her who was boss in the Portman greenhouse. “I soundly spanked her bottom.” Frank Klingenspor confessed in a magistrate’s court in the Buckinghamshire village of Beaconfield.

The Judge fined the 61 year old gardener 30 pounds on a charge of assault, put him under a bond of 50 pounds to keep the peace for the next 12 months and ordered him to stay at least one mile distant from the Portman estate for the next three years.

Occurred in Greenhouse
The prosecution said the dispute, which culminated in the spanking of her ladyship, who is 47, ocurred May 30 in the greenhouse of the Portman country estate, Burtley House.

Said the prosecutor: “Lady Portman made a normal and reasonable request for Mr Klingenspor to leave the greenhouse unlocked in the afternoon as she and her husband wanted to use it.

“Mr Klingenspor replies ‘indeed I will not. I am not going to have you mucking around my plants when I’m not here.”
When Lady Portman persisted, the prosecutor continued, Klingenspor banged her head against the greenhouse door, threw her down and beat her. “Her Ladyship,” said the prosecutor, “suffered a considerable degree of bruising and abrasion.” His lordship fired the gardener forth with.

Defending Flowers
Testifying in his own defence, Klingenspor said he was only defending his flowers. “The greenhouse contained expensive, delicate plants he explained. “Should the doors be left open and drafts occur there’s no knowing what trouble it might lead to.”
He conceded that he lost his temper with her ladyship. “I put my arms on the back of her neck to get her out and in the struggle pushed her to the ground,” he said. I then soundly smacked her bottom. She may have had cuts and bruises, but it wasn’t malicious on my part.”

10 Responses to “The Lady’s not for blooming”

  1. I found the story rather amusing, especially in the light that I am absolutely hopeless with anything resembling plants.

  2. I believe the gardener had every right to spank Lady Portman, because only one man wears the ‘pants’ in the greenhouse. Besides, in my opinion Lady Portman, was ‘potty’, in making such a fuss.. Would’nt you agree’

  3. The man took his job seriously. He refused to allow any nonsense to fertilize and would not allow it to grow. He was cultivating within his employer the essentials of not allowing his greenhouse to become the compost heap of their well maintained grounds. Sad that he did not harvest a few well chosen willow switches and apply them to her ripened and seasoned mounds of mature and fertile posterior flesh. 🙂

  4. 4 paul1510

    DJ, I think you will agree, it probably did the Lady a lot of good. 😀

  5. 5 scarlet

    DJ, I might ordinarily be shocked by such a spanking, but as a gardener, I think Frank Klingenspore was well within his rights to protect his tender plants! We must not leave the doors open to the greenhouse. I’m sure Lady Portman sees the error of her ways.

  6. 6 Kaki

    I think Frank should have this crew on his jury.

  7. 7 DJ

    Kaki – who Frank?

    It is a bit odd – the description of her ‘injuries’ sound quite bad – but if they were that bad then he would have been jailed. If they weren’t why not just sack him? The harm seems to be from making this public.

    What tickles me (I have to admit) is how often did (do) things like this happen which never reach court.

    I once threatened to spank my boss (I could not believe I said it either) and her reaction was rather unexpected to say the least.


  8. 8 dude

    by frank, I think she means frank, the gardener with a tough surname.

  9. You should clearly acknowledge your correct ‘source’ for this story. You have copied this story, including corrections to the original text directly from the blog

    If you don’t acknowledge this we will send the gardner around to sort out the problem, along with his plank!

    • 10 DJ

      Hi Thanks for that,

      I didn’t actually, not directly. I found a cutting on another site and then searched for it – I think I found this version on yet another site. Although I did edit myself (from American English) so either we made the same edits or more likely they had a copy of yours. But After I found it I saw it on three or four non-spanking sites.

      But happy to admit you had it first. 🙂

      Are you from the Portman estate? I did see it there.

      The interesting thing was that I found several different newspapers of the time – but all the cuttings were essentially written by the same journalist. So this must have been wire copy lifted verbatim. I actually credited the St Josephs News-Press – which was the cutting I first found, although as I admit I took the typed copy from elsewhere.

      Thanks again – consider yourself credited. 🙂


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