6th December, not the foggiest idea of location

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened since I last wrote.

We arrived in Egypt at the end of last week and I had a happy few days there. I got to see the Pyramids and many other things that I forget now.

Then I met a man in a bar who offered to take me on a special tour. I have heard about men like him, so not being stupid, I asked the hotel manager and he said it should be fine and that Mr Aziz was always looking for pretty girls for special parties and trips.

I have to say it was great. I went with several other people, mostly girls, on an aeroplane. The flight was nothing like Easyjet, we had champagne and caviar and the whole trip was like one great party.

The party itself was in Jordan somewhere. At first I thought they meant Jordan would be there, but apparently it is the name of the country; fancy naming your country after Katie Price. But they do seem to like English girls here; maybe they are all big fans?

After the party one of them asked me to marry him, which I thought was very sweet of him, but then he told me he only had two wives and I didn’t fancy that much.

After the party another man asked me and some of the girls if we would like to go to another party. Mr Aziz was angry about this and said I should return to Cairo and not go with this man. But I don’t like being told what to do so I decided to go. Big mistake.

The plane ride was horrible and the party was terrible. All the men there were old and they insisted that we do all the dancing and got quite cross when we asked for a drink. In fact, we didn’t have a drink all night. They were much more unreasonable then either Mr Aziz or Mr Khan had been about it.

I was very happy the next day when Mr Aziz turned up with a mini-bus to take us home. He was very cross though and said we would ruin his reputation. I didn’t know what he meant. What was going to a party to do with him?

Then he said he had a good mind to put me over his knee. What is it about me that makes everyone want to spank me?

The drive back was horrible as the roads were bad. But Aziz said ‘what did we expect if we went too far east and left civilisation.’

I told him I was sorry and that I hadn’t asked to leave civilisation and that I hadn’t seen any signs. At least he thought this was funny, although I hadn’t tried to make a joke.

After driving all day, which was the worse journey of my life, we arrived at a place that had three or four houses and a barn. Mr Aziz said that we could stop in town for short break.

After we parked up, I went looking for the shops and the rest of the town. I rather suspect now that was all there was to it. Anyway I must be the only person who could get lost in the world’s smallest town. I did try this house with a coca-cola sign on it, but when I asked for a beer they started shouting and the only word I caught was ‘police’.

So now I am sitting in a police cell writing this with no idea where Mr Aziz and the rest of the girls are.