The art of mentoring


Years ago it would have seemed too fantastic to be true. Would a woman in the 21st century actively seek the guidance of an older man? Guidance that includes not only advice, but rules that are enforced with spankings.

Yet these things do happen. The nature and parameters of the relationship can vary. Some set hard limits. Some are ad hoc. Others by there nature demand strict rules and timetables. It is inevitable that sometimes the boundaries blur and what begins as a mentoring relationship becomes something more.

Yours truly has had relationships that have come to include mentoring and at least one mentoring that has ended in a relationship. But for the most part they are what they are and tend to be transient in nature.

The mentored gets what they need and then finds the confidence to seek what they want within a romantic relationship. When this happens the mentor needs to let go, as it doesn’t usually go down too well at parties when meeting the new boyfriend.

“Hey this is DJ, he used to spank my bare bottom.”

Notwithstanding this, some women remain friends for years afterwards and if past events ever get mentioned, then it is as if remembering some favourite uncle who once spanked a much loved niece and everybody laughs.

Here are a few case studies with no names and no pack drill to illustrate the point.

Anne was a professional nanny in her early 20s who wanted to study to be a psychologist. Although British, she had grown up in Kenya and had been brought up by her grandmother. Even in the 1980s, her colonial style upbringing meant spankings and a switch taken to her bare bottom. Even at school, she was regularly caned, and for her, the stick across the bottom was as much part of education as the pen across the page.

On coming to England in her late teens she could not understand what all the fuss was about when she ever mentioned her upbringing. As far as she was concerned if she misbehaved, she should be spanked.

She discussed all this with her friend and neighbour, himself a part-time tutor and lecturer, when she began to fall behind in her studies. He helped her as much as he could by setting deadlines and targets for her, but she did not know how to stick to them.

It was Anne who first suggested that she be subject to corporal punishment when she did not meet her targets. Once he realised that she was serious, her friend was concerned about a conflict of interests. He tried to dissuade her, but she said:

“You spank your girlfriends and presumably you find this kind of thing fun?”

He wasn’t as embarrassed as he thought he would be but wondered how she knew so much. She explained about the thin walls and how she had an interesting coffee morning with an ex-girlfriend after she asked about the noise.

And so a punishment regime was agreed.

At first she stuck to her targets. She was serious about her studies and really didn’t want to be caned, the penalty that had been agreed. The very real threat was enough for her. Then one day after he came back from leave he found that she was three weeks behind.

“Do you need more time?” He asked.

“I need a kick up the backside.” She said sheepishly.

“How many would you have at school?” He asked after he was sure that he was required to do his duty.

“Eight for the first time, 12 and then 15 or even 18.” She said seriously, not taking her eyes off the cane he held.

“Let us make it 12 as its our first time doing this.” He said firmly. “Bend over.”

She looked like she might argue, he thought, but he wasn’t too sure which way. But she turned and before he could say anything, she pulled down her jeans and knickers.

“Like school you said.” She said seeing his face.

“Yes OK but can you keep your legs together, it’s a bit distracting.”

She blushed for the first time, but grinned.

He caned her hard and slow. She didn’t make much noise as she took them but was thoroughly crying when she stood up.

“Ow, that hurt.” She smiled through the tears.

It wasn’t the only time her caned her, but after a few months she said he new boyfriend wasn’t keen on her continuing so it all stopped. Fair enough. Job done.

Next is an example of domestic mentoring. It had been agreed that she would do all the laundry and shopping. He would do most of the cooking and deal with the snails’ mess. Don’t ask.

Whenever she slipped up he would use it as an excuse to spank her, but as she pointed out, it was part of there usual bedroom games and sometimes she was tempted to provoke what she wanted by neglecting her part of the household duties.

Now they had already experimented with a swishy stick that they had found in the cupboard when they moved in, but she really hated it and so it had not been a regular feature of their horseplay. He suggested that he use that whenever she forgot the shopping or was late with the laundry. She was even enthusiastic about the idea.

Until the first time he had her bent over with her hands flat against the wall and her knickers around her ankles. The deal was he would swipe her until he decided that she had had enough. There were plenty of protests at the time, but afterwards she was genuinely grateful for his resolve.

Suffice to say the shopping was always done after that and late laundry was kept to a minimum.

Sometimes mentoring starts unofficially and evolves from very unlikely situations. The next is an account of a housemate who was taken in hand and helped to get her life back in order.

“Years ago when I moved into a shared house there was a guy upstairs who became a good friend of mine. When he moved out the house began to be divided up into more little flats and there was this odd time that it was a sort of hybrid where there were flats with shared areas.

Finally, an odd girl moved in and we talked a bit and then I sort of forgot about her.

Then one day was cleaning my bike in the garden and I felt a drop of water and heard a splash. I looked around and couldn’t see anything so I carried on. Then there was another splash and I saw a big puddle near me.

Then I heard a giggle and knew that someone was pouring water on me – the new tenant?

I rushed upstairs and she still had the bucket. I chased her around the flat until she locked herself in the bathroom.

So after a brief not too friendly) exchange through the door I went back to my bike in the garden.

After a few minutes of working on the bike, I heard more water and I was suddenly wet. I went storming upstairs to get her.

This time she tried to lock herself in the kitchen, which had no lock. I easily pushed it back and chased her around the room.

Remember, I didn’t know this girl, so what happened next was a surprise to both of us. I pulled her over to a bending position and spanked her hard on her tight leggings. It was more than a few swats and the only reason I stopped was because my hand hurt.

She danced around the room going “Ow ow ow. I won’t sit down for a week.”

“If you can I didn’t do it hard enough.” I said.

I wondered if I had gone too far – but after she had stopped dancing and grasping her bottom, she asked me to stay for some tea.

This became a regular thing (the tea and the spanking) and I helped her sort out this man, a boyfriend who was trouble. He had been taking her money had using her for a doss house. I told him he wasn’t welcome in my house (she told him I was the landlord) and with no gravy train he soon disappeared from her life.

Then I found out the extent of her real troubles and things began to get very interesting between us.”

So what is the art of mentoring? How do you draw the line between being a friend and guide? How do you get to be one in the first place? Luck is the main thing. Good or sometimes bad luck can lead you down that road. But let’s assume you have the temperament and opportunity. Then the main thing is to have no preconceptions. The three golden rules are: listen, listen, listen. Try to separate out what the girl wants from what she really needs. Mostly she won’t come out and tell you. Also even in the most sub-Dom relationship, you have to remember that it all begins with the submissive. It is the same with mentoring. The rewards are great, but you must put the interests of the mentored first and not project your fantasies on to them.

Maybe we can get S to say more about the other side of the coin sometime. Meanwhile, if you want to know more and want to talk to a mentor or a mentored get in touch.

4 Responses to “The art of mentoring”

  1. 1 Karl Friedrich Gauss

    Thanks for sharing this, DJ. And as you say, it would be great if S would add her perspective to the discussion. Please, S?

  2. 2 Sammi


    Very interesting.

    I had a very similar experience about 20 years ago. I had some problems and was involved with various issues. A friend of my mother gradually came to mentor me – I was a bit clingy in those days.

    He threatened to spank me a lot then after a year I dared him to after I spectacularly fouled up. He did.

    It was very strange – but things got better after that. Then as you say often happens, I found a boyfriend who I corrupted into spanking me teehee.

    Mother of two and still well-spanked.


  3. 3 Minx


    Love this blog!

    I have been searching for spanking and mentoring stuff. I have stuff to I need to work out. A bit confused by spanking libido and a possible need for a mentor. I came across this which sums up pretty much where I am.

    This is from web board about spanking and mentoring:

    Not like in a sexual way or anything cause he’s much older than me and dates my mom, but he’s been like my mentor for longer.
    The reason I want him to is cause whenever I do something bad he just gets mad and acts all cold shouldered toward me for a while.

    Even though he’s like my dad he’s never punished me before. I don’t know why, I guess it’s just weird for step parents and boyfriends to discipline their partners kids…. It’s just that we’re like best friends and he’s really cool and whenever I’m in trouble it ruins everything and the disappointed look that he gives me makes me feel bad. T-T

    My mom still spanks me, but normally I can get by with almost anything with just a scolding. Usually I enjoy that but he knows it too so he stays mad cause he knows I got off easy.

    Anyway all I know is when my mom spanks me she forgives me completely and isn’t mad anymore, plus I figure if he spanked me he’d know I was being held accountable and forgive me rather than staying angry.

    Anyway – thought you might be interested and wondered if anyone had any thoughts.


  4. 4 S

    Hello Minx,
    thanks for your post. If you want to talk about mentoring, I might be able to give you some advice.
    I understand very well what you mean by being confused by spanking libido and the need you feel. I’m being mentored by DJ Black, owner of this blog and you can either contact him or me – if you click on ‘about’ you will see his email address. He will forward your email to me in case you want to talk from girl to girl.
    There are personal things I’d need to ask which are better not discussed publicly.


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