Another spanking nightmare


Sheridan Smith, Tamsin Grieg and Montserrat Lombard in Love Soup

A few weeks back there was a post on spanking in hell, which had been inspired very closely by a dream. This contribution has similar origins (don’t ask) and could almost be classed as fan fiction.

The BBC had a comedy drama called Love Soup, staring: Tamsin Grieg (Black Books, Green Wing and The Archers), who plays Alice; Sheridan Smith (Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps and Jonathan Creek) who plays Cleo; and Milly played by Montserrat Lombard, (from the Life on Mars sequel Ashes to Ashes).

The gist of the plot is that it is about three young women who work in a beauty parlour who are looking for love and the various (often extreme) misadventures that they get themselves into while on this quest.

In this episode Alice has been set up on a blind date (as usual) with a man who turns out to be straight forward, handsome and utterly charming until he asks:

“What is your favourite implement?”

“Sorry?” Alice asks with a grin. Trust her not to be listening when something important is said, she thinks.

“When you are getting spanked, what implement do you prefer?” Graham persisted.

“I am not sure I follow.” Alice shakes her head bemused.

“Well I have a bath brush, but some girls find it a bit hard going on a first date. We could start with a hairbrush or just my hand if you like.”

“You know perhaps it’s the wine, but I am not following any of this. I thought you said something about spanking?”

“Eh that’s right. George did tell you didn’t he?”

“Not sure that he did.” Alice is quite confused by now. “Is this a sexual thing?”

“Oh my god I am terribly sorry.” Graham stands up embarrassed realising his mistake. “Look I had better go there has been a terrible mix up here. I’ll kill George when I see him. That is of course assuming that you are not up for a quick bit of hanky spanking before I.”

Alice is just staring at him dumbfounded by now not knowing what to say.

“No of course not sorry. I’ll go now.”

After Graham has left in haste, Alice notices that he has left his brief case.

“Oh no I have to see him again at least once.” Alice grimaces speaking to herself.

Then the next day at work she tells the girls about the mix up.

“Well the nerve of the guy.” Milly gasps.

“I don’t know, at least you can’t say he was boring.” Cleo grins. “Are you sure you didn’t. No, well you wouldn’t. The nerve of the guy.”

Milly is fixing Cleo with a stare.

“Well it wasn’t his fault. It was George’s idea of a joke I suppose. It’s just that now I have to see him again to return his brief case. Its so embarrassing.” Alice wails.

“Can’t you just drop it off at his office and then run away.” Cleo suggests.

“I don’t know where he works.”

“Well look in his case.” Cleo says assertively grabbing it. “Look here is an address, Rutherford Services, must be his place of work. Its only around the corner.”

“I’ll go there at lunch time.”

Meanwhile around the corner at Rutherford Services, two men are checking their afternoon schedules.

“Got a nurse coming in at 12.30.” The first man says. “Bit of an odd case.”

“She doesn’t want the enema thing again does she?” The second man pulls a face.

“No.” His colleague says reading the notes. “She is dropping off a package and wants to pretend to be treated against her will.”

“Are you sure?”

“That’s what it says.” The man reads. “Will kick up a fuss and deny that she is who we think she is and tell us it’s a mistake.”

“Oh one of those.” The first man nods sagely. “I had one last month. Oh well it takes all kinds.”


Lunchtime arrives and Alice slips out in her beautician outfit to the office.

“Excuse me.” She calls as she rings the bell. “I just want to drop this off.”

The woman at the desk looks up and picks up the phone.

“Mr Green your 12.30 appointment is here.”

“No I don’t think you understand.” Alice protests.

“Just take a seat Mr Green will be with you in a minute.”

“Right.” Alice wants to flee but looks warily at the chair. “I’ll just wait here then.”

Mr Green arrives and bustles Alice into a side room.

“Look my names.” Alice begins.

“Your first time here?” He stops her saying anymore.

“Yes I.”

“We never use names here. Strictly QT.” He smiles reassuringly tapping his nose.

“Oh I see. Sorry.” Alice smiles and nods pretending to understand. “I just want to drop this off for, no names you said? I just want to drop this off for… eh… someone.”

“Yes I quite understand.” Mr Green grins broadly. “Now just slip your things off.”

“My things? I really think you have the wrong person” Alice returns a fixed grin.

“Of course we have.” Then man smirks as he rings a bell and the woman outside comes in.

“A paddle, a cane and a riding crop.” He reads. “Half an hour treatment, ignore all protests.”

“What?” Alice gapes. “I really have no idea what you are talking about. I have to go now.”

The woman grabs her and starts to remove Alice’s clothes.


Forty minutes later Alice limps out of the Rutherford Services office taking very careful steps.

“Oh god how do I get myself into these things?” She gasps.

“Alice what is it?” Milly asks coming up behind her with Cleo as they return from lunch.

“I really would rather not talk about it.” Alice winces as she takes another step.

“What ever did they do girl?” Cleo demands.

“Well if you must know I just had a therapeutic spanking, caning and god knows what the last one was I was rather to busy yelling my head off by that point.” Alice pulls another face.

“My god that’s terrible.” Milly’s jaw hangs wide open. “Why did you want to do that?”

“I didn’t want to it just sort of happened.” Alice was beginning to wonder what was worse the thrashing or the explanations.

“Well I am not standing for that I am going to give them a piece of my mind.” Cleo is outraged and storms back to the building.

“Cleo please don’t.” Alice calls after her.

“Can I get you a pillow?” Milly asks solicitously as she helps her friend back to their shop.

“I think it will be a day or two before I graduate to pillow sitting.” Alice says sharply.

Half an hour later Cleo returns. She is limping and eases herself into a chair so that her right thigh takes the weight and her bottom is clear of the chair.

“Well I gave them a piece of my mind.” Cleo breathes heavily.

“Well what did they say?” Milly says with her eyes wide.

“They said they had never seen anyone so much in need of therapy before.” Cleo groans.

“My god they didn’t.” Milly claps her hands to her mouth.

“Oh yes they did.” Cleo grimaces as she shifts thighs.

“I told you not to go back there.” Alice says.

“My god that’s terrible.” Milly agrees.

“You bet it is.” Cleo snaps. “They wanted to charge me 200 quid!”

“You’re joking.” Milly says in disbelief.

“Oh Cleo the nerve of these people, you are right Milly.” Alice agrees.

“Too right.” Cleo nods. “I talked them down to £450 for three sessions. That’s a £150 saving.”


One Response to “Another spanking nightmare”

  1. 1 paul1510

    DJ, nice sting in the tail. 😉

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