Five types of submission


After another scan of the web boards this week there has been another discussion on safe words and the difference between discipline and erotic spanking.

Here for what it is worth are five types of submission and examples drawn from various sources.

Play spanking – the spankee wants it and you want to give it to her, but the spankee has full control and can use her safe word at any time to stop it.

“My boyfriend and I love spanking. The biggest problem is the noise. We usually play on Saturday night when our downstairs neighbours are out clubbing. I can take a fair old walloping for 15 or 20 minutes before I have to say cabbages, my safe word. We tried it without safe words for a while but it just lead to arguments.”

The Role-Play spanking – she wants it but wants to pretend that she doesn’t. This type also tends to use a safe word.

This type of spanking or BDSM scenario is where both parties have assigned roles; for instance, he is a teacher and she a student. There is some outline to the game that has been agreed before hand.

Here is an illustrative snippet from a lesbian woman.

“My girlfriend had me dress up as a maid and then I have to spill something. The she lifts up my skirt and spanks my bottom with a leather slapper. It hurts quite a bit, but it is fun.”

The Semi-disciplinary spanking – she needs it and wants it to happen but definitely doesn’t want to have to ask for it. When it happens she is not entirely pretending about her reluctance – but if it gets too heavy she can usually stop it.

“I like brat play. My husband and I both like spanking and light bondage, but sometimes when I want a bit of full on play I throw a ‘tantrum’ or better still throw something at him. I once smashed a vase.

Then I will get a real telling-off and will be sent to the corner, where I will refuse to go. So after a light spanking I will surrender and have to stand and wait until my real spanking.

This can be a quite hard affair administered to my bare bottom. Sometimes it hurts enough to make me cry a little. My husband knows me well and usually stops about the time I am ready. I have only twice ever had to use our safe word.”

Disciplinary spanking – she needs this to happen, although she will always try to avoid it happening. But when it does, she has no control over it. There is no safe word but her limits have been discussed well before hand, usually at the outset of the relationship and she is in the hands of someone who knows her well.

“I am a bad girl and really need the guy to be in charge. I like him to set limits and if I break those limits then I know what to expect.

It is true that if I have been good for a while then subconsciously I think I find a way to screw up. But usually shit happens like when I was in my teens and I get myself into hot water without meaning to.

There are always things like hit something whilst driving or once I left my purse with his credit card on the table when I stopped for a coffee that I was not supposed to have had in the first place.

The spanking I got for that was bad. I had to stand in the corner for two hours before hand then I got a 20-minute sustained spanking with a hairbrush. Then back into the corner for another two hours.

Before each spanking, I get asked if I deserve it. I always think I do but sometimes I am so nervous I cannot speak and can only nod.

I have a special skirt that has no back to it but looks like a proper skirt from the front and most of the sides. I sometimes have to go about wearing it as a punishment. I am not allowed to wear my underwear when wearing the skirt and sometimes I have been spanked so my bottom is very red.

I have had to answer the door to strangers, which is very hard for me, they must think me strange as I stutter and blush for no reason. When I do this, I keep my back facing away from them so they don’t know. Although I have been caught out once or twice.

It is very embarrassing when I have to do corner time.”

Total submission spanking – It does not matter what she needs or wants if her master wants to spank her or anything else then she is spanked until he decides it stops.

This is not as rare as you might think, collarme and fetlife are full of people seeking this level of submission. This is not the kind of relationship for the faint-hearted and is probably too rich for the blood for most people.

This brings us to the strange and possibly sad story of Haley. Warning this next part discussed strong BDSM practices and may not be for everyone.

Haley lived in a small town and as a teenager was bored and had fantasies about being carried off by an Arab prince on a white horse.

Then one day when she was just 18 a biker gang hit town. She got talking to one of the men and was easily persuaded to leave with him.

The first thing she found out was that if she wanted to stay she had to undergo an initiation. This consisted of various things including apparently drinking a glass of her new man’s urine.

“I nearly died at this news and wanted to leave. But one of the other women gave me a hug and said it wasn’t so bad. When I cried and said I would leave, she said ‘I am not supposed to tell you this but it is only yellow lemonade with some salt and other stuff thrown in’.

I felt like I had one up on them then so I drank the awful stuff with great relish. It was bad and I was nearly sick and then I saw the women’s face and she shrugged and I knew I had been tricked. But with everyone cheering, I felt a strange sort of pride.

I was already naked in front of everybody having had various stuff poured over me including oil and then I had the last test.

I had to bend right over the seat of the motorbike with bottom sticking up and then Steve, my guy, thrashed me with a heavy leather belt. It hurt so bad that a couple of the other girls held me down. I even begged them to stop but one of the women whispered that they weren’t going to whatever I said and it would soon be over.

Afterwards I was allowed to put on a club t-shirt and dry my tears. Then we had a party, but everyone could still see my red and bruised bottom.”

Haley stayed with Steve for over a year and was thrown into the deep end as far as sexual experience was concerned. She acquired tattoos and a new outlook on life.

“It was hard at first because whenever I got anything wrong, like breaking the ‘code’, then Steve would take his belt to me and man did it ever hurt. The problem was that the ‘code’ was something you could only learn by breaking it.

A couple of times I was taken into the clubhouse by the other women and they would give a pretty hard time. I was once stripped and held down while a couple of women whipped me with a metal bike aerial. The marks lasted weeks. Steve just said I had it coming and added some with his belt.

There was also a lot of spanking with Steve, he just spanked me for no reason as foreplay. Pretty soon I got off on it anyway.”

Then after about 18 months Steve sold Haley to another biker from a different chapter. At first, Haley was devastated but soon realised that the new guy was better and she never loved Steve anyway.

“I went with different people after that and got a lot of lickings. I was often passed around at meets and all kinds of things. I even went with a girl biker for about three months after she won me in a race.

Man, she was harsh. She liked to beat on me with everything she could think of. I don’t think I could sit down the whole time I was with her. I told her about my initiation and how I thought I had one up on everyone.

She said she didn’t like my attitude and had me lick puddles of stuff of the floor many times after that while she laughed.”

Eventually Haley left the gangs and after three years drifting shacked up as a slave to a BDSM couple who could treat her in a way she had become accustomed.

These are five broad-brush examples of five levels of submission. Of course many people may switch between them within a relationship or their own relationship may fall between these categories.

If you don’t like these ‘rules’ then break them.

5 Responses to “Five types of submission”

  1. 1 Karl Friedrich Gauss

    Some nice research there, Damien!

  2. 2 Joan N


    I have been in relationships with semi-vanilla guys and have indulged in the first example.

    I have never got into role-play as such. I am always too self-conscious.

    The third and fourth are definitely where I am at. That is I like a Brat lfe but know it could get worse if I get out of line.

    I loved Haley’s history and her life but I would not be brave enough. Sends shivers doesn’t it though?

    Come on don’t be shy what is your favourite and how does that compare with your real life?


  3. 3 DJ

    Do you mean me or our friends the lurkers out there?

    Erotic play spankings are part and parcel of life. But like you my experience lies mostly within the thrid and fourth categories. That is semi-disciplinary and disciplinary spankings and domination scenarios.

    I have only once play acted – I felt a bit stupid to tell the truth – it wasn’t my idea.

    I have once or twice touched upon the final full submission scenario. It is very intense and I think it would be hard work as a life choice.


  4. 4 Joan N

    I did mean everyone, so that includes you DJ. 🙂

    Are we going to hear any details from you in future?


  5. 5 Elly

    I have had the third a lot and some erotic play.

    i really would like it with a guy who could go the full distance with a full disciplianry work out when i needed it – but its got to be hard.

    I just know the neighbours would call the police.


    ps don’t be shy I think Joan has asked a great question – is anyone else going to share?

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