You can’t always get what you want

04Sep09
Becareful it does not all end in tears, unless that is what you want

Be careful it does not all end in tears, unless that is what you want

There has been a lot of talk lately around various blogs about safe words. It seems the default advice is that you must have a safe word if you are going to indulge in any kind of non-vanilla activity. This is no doubt sound advice if in your life style you are prone playing in scenes with complete strangers.

A scene is a game played between two consenting adults, the rules are agreed before hand and a safe word stops allows the person playing the role of the submissive to stop events whenever they feel it is getting beyond there control. However it does beg the question about who exactly is in control.

If instead of merely playing at it you truly want to cede control to another in your sex life, or more widely, then safe words can be a real impediment.

Some people employ safe words in the early stages while they ‘get used to one another’, but once you have a safe word how do you turn it off?

If instead of playing scenes you want a deeper more meaningful relationship then you probably do not want to have a safe word. This means that you will have to take things more slowly and build up the trust that only comes with time within a deep relationship. In other words instead of surrendering to instant gratification you need a more disciplined approach.

If you don’t have trust then how can you trust your partner to honour a safe word anyway?

A good dominant will become so in tune with his submissive so that he can control the punishment or any other activity by knowing when to pull back often before the submissive herself knows she needs to.

The problem of allowing the submissive to have an open medium of control is that it allows the submissive to get what they think they want at the cost of ignoring what they may need.

In a recent conversation a dominant explained that after several years they did indeed have a safe word. But his submissive did not know that there was a safe word. He explained that among other things when it was getting too much his submissive used certain words and used certain body language unconsciously.

There are many different approaches and lifestyles, it is up to you, which is best suited to you. But beware seizing upon any absolute advice read on a random blog. Take things slowly and think them through or it could all end in tears, or not.

Just a quick rant to start off the weekend, have fun.



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