This Spanking Life

11Mar12

this spanking lifeWhen this blog was first launched there was an attempt to define what some might call ‘This Spanking Life.’ In particular we discussed just who was and who wasn’t a spanko and why.

This was pretty much explored from the male position. You know the kind of thing, when did you first know, when did you first realise that you were not alone, when did you first get to spank a woman.

Some thought was given then to the difficulties of both men and women who admit to or embrace a spanking life, which was perhaps more especially a problem for those who grew up during or before the 1980s. Then as now, often the prevailing view is that a man who wants to spank a woman is a brute, to put it in its mildest terms; and a woman who wants to be spanked is a gender traitor, a weak woman or someone who doesn’t know their own mind who needs to be told what to think.

Now most readers of this blog know that none of the above is true. However, there are some quite horrific and misogynist blogs out there, generally by men who far from respecting a woman’s need to be spanked, put a negative spin on this type of sexuality whilst claiming some inherent male supremacy when pursuing their own.

They tend to use the C-word and the B-word when referring to women. If you read the blogosphere widely, then you know who they are.

One would like to think that these men have never actually spanked a real woman in their lives and their ramblings are fantasy, but sadly they probably have been let loose from time to time on suspecting and unsuspecting women.

Okay so where is this going?

Well here is a story about a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it.

Helen, 36, is reasonably attractive and has pursued her chosen career for 13 years. She has been promoted sufficiently often to suggest that she had broken through the glass ceiling, although possibly at the cost of marriage and children.

On Friday nights she goes to see her boyfriend, a man 10 years her senior who lives in wealthy suburb of London in preparation for the weekend.

On arriving she had a shower and changes her clothes and then goes into the lounge. There waiting for her on the coffee table is a drink and an object. The drink is always a G&T (Hendricks with a slice of lime). The object tends to vary.

Sometimes it is a cane. Another time it could be some manner of brush or a riding crop. It is always something that is intended to make an impact on her bottom.

Some objects she likes and others she dreads, it does not matter, the choice is never hers. This is the game she had chosen.

As she drinks her drink, no doubt whilst distracted by the implement on the table, her boyfriend asks her about her week and has her describe any ‘sins’ she might have committed since he last saw her.

Some of these sins are breaches of rules he has given her, others are things she wishes to get off her conscience.

Once he has heard her out, she is told that over the weekend she will atone for these sins. Then she is told to remove all clothing below the waist and assume the appropriate position.

That position varies according to the implement and if it is new to her he may explain. Or perhaps he does not and deals with her ignorance accordingly.

Then she is variously, spanked, whipped or caned according to what he has set out.

This punishment is harsh and prolonged and she may not refuse it; may not because that is the game that she has chosen.

This punishment is not for her sins. That one she has yet to face. This is just so that she knows who she serves that weekend and to ensure she gets what she needs regardless of what is to come.

The events described have been put to you in a clinical, even cold way. That is because an outsider cannot really know how she feels about this. They cannot know and need not know if she loves this man or he her. In all likelihood they are in love, but that is their business.

The point is. She has not been exploited, put upon and does not submit for anyone’s sake but her own. She is not responsible for the spin, negative or otherwise, which anyone may choose to place upon her life. This is her choice, this is her spanking life.



12 Responses to “This Spanking Life”

  1. 1 paul1510

    Damian,
    you make a good point.
    What a couple feel and think is entirely their own affair.
    Paul.

  2. 3 Mark

    It is true that it is none of anyone else’s business, if they want to be judgmental.

    However, for those of us who like this, what the couple thinks is a big part of the fun. It is mental more than physical, even more so than vanilla sex.

    So this has its place and makes a valuable statement, but could be overdone too. I want inside their minds, as part of the point.

    Incidentally, such stories focus more on the spankee mind than the spanker’s mind, which is also interesting. I would like to see more of that, and it would fit very well in your Magic series, where you already touch on it.

    Magic is my favorite.

    • 4 DJ

      Yes I agree.

      What makes people tick is what I am all about and in fiction I explore that as you say. Thanks for the thumbsup for Magic (which is coming again soon).

      This is not fiction – which is why I did not allow myself to speculate or fictionalise.

      The point of this post was not – that it is no one elses business – although that point is made; but that it is a valid choice and women are as entitled to make it as men.

      Thanks Mark and welcome :)

      DJ

  3. I love this piece. I really do.

    There are some spanking sites that I should not read but I do and women there are spoken about as though they are nothing but dirt. (That is a nice way to put it.) When I read those kind of things I can lose confidence in the choices I make and the feelings I have.

    But then I am lucky enough to know people who write beautifully and truthfully about this spanking life. And I am even more lucky to know it in real life and to know that living like this is a perfect choice for a girl like me.

    Thank you for writing this. It means a lot to me and to girls like me.

    (Helen sounds like a very lucky girl too)

  4. 7 Scarlet

    This was so well written. I liked the cool, objective tone. It worked quite well for the point you were making. For those of us who read here regularly, I think we know that you give a great deal of thought to feelings and understand quite a lot about women, at least women like us, and women in general, actually.

    it sounds like Helen’s boyfriend knows her very well.

  5. 8 Karl Friedrich Gauss

    This sounds very much like the relationship described in the blog “An Intimate Relationship with Spanking”: http://andyh12k.wordpress.com/

    There the author reveals that his female partner, in a game not unlike the one you describe, wanted just to be spanked, nothing more. And that she regards her “enjoyment” of being spanked as “a guilty pleasure”. I find it poignant to read about these two people who have found one another and who engage in this unusual relationship for their mutual pleasure. Although in this case I gather that the relationship is not also sexual.

    As for the disrespectful sort of men you refer to at the start, do any of them write blogs? I’m at a bit of a loss to come up with an example. I mean there is [deleted], and although you could say he objectifies women and “uses” them for his pleasure, and manufactures reasons to spank them, and has a test of consent that involves leaving the relationship, I like to think of him merely as charmingly old-fashioned, if somewhat chauvinistic.

    I think an approach like his works for him because he believes in it, but one couldn’t just start behaving that way without having his sense of entitlement.

    [this content has been edited]

    • 9 DJ

      Hi Karl,

      many thanks for this input as effective as ever.

      I deleted the second link and ID of it, as it was an excellent example of what I was talking about and it is against house rules to talkabout third parties (or named individual) in any way that could be construde in negative terms, which even if you weren’t being negative – I was not being so generous.

      DJ :)

      • I have never found hearing my gender described a C…s and prostitutes that charming or old fashioned. :)
        Just an observation.

        And I am not sure we can take consent as read if someone does not ‘leave’, especially if there are issues of poverty or abuse of authority involved. I think that is a dangerous can of worms to open.

        It may be worth something (the not leaving) in a long term relationship – although that is a dodgy presumption. But for someone to leave in a casual short term fling would necessitate the woman being able to overpower the man which is not possible in most cases.

  6. 11 Karl Friedrich Gauss

    A very interesting discussion, DJ and Poppy. All part, IMHO, of why TTWD is best described as “a complicated psychological game”.

    For some people, the matter of consent is something they like to keep murky. They perhaps feel that too explicit consent takes away the feeling of reality. I think we have to be really careful about getting outraged on behalf of others, who don’t necessarily feel that what happened was so clearly “bad”.

    Laurens van der Post talked like that about his experience as a prisoner of the Japanese during WWII. Outwardly there were atrocities, but he was not comfortable with what was being said about the Japanese on behalf of himself and other prisoners. He felt that the truth was more nuanced. See his book “Night of the new Moon” for more. Also his story “The Sower and the Seed”.

    A year or two ago, a young American female blogger visited in some spanko circles in London. It seemed that what she encountered there blew her mind in uncomfortable ways, particularly regarding the type of “open relationships” that were practiced among that particular “urban tribe”, as one of the members is wont to describe it.

    Does that mean these tribesters were doing something “wrong”? I think the young American eventually came to the conclusion that that wasn’t necessarily the case, since she took down the posts she wrote about it.

    But they were doing something that made her intensely uncomfortable, even though, she was a spanko as much as they were.

    I think we need to be careful about being critical of other people’s “ways”. Some folks like to play with “domestic abuse” scenarios, for instance. Is that wrong? Or is it a way of processing.

    I’ve often thought that contemporary spanking culture is doing a social good by repurposing something that in the past was used to oppress people, into a source of fun and sexual pleasure, sort of like beating swords into ploughshares. So maybe domestic abuse play is about a similar process.

    Somewhere I got the idea that cultural practices go through a process of first being developed as tools of survival, then becoming woven into the social fabric as custom, and later devolving into modes of play and recreation. I like to think that applies to spanking. Horse riding might be another example of this. I wonder who first described that. I can’t remember if I read that somewhere; or did I pull it out of the ether? I’d like to get the reference, if anyone knows.

    As for use of language and terms that can be construed as derogatory, the world “slut” is IMO in the process of being “taken back”. Witness the “slut walks” around the world, and also the way the word is being used more and more non-derogatorily. Usage establishes meaning, in my book.

    And different people use the same words in different ways. As I said, it’s a complicated psychological game, and I find it best not to be too critical of how others play it.

    As for the blogger we were discussing, I find it interesting that he plays with women who have not identified themselves as spanko. That seems socially adventurous, more so than just limiting ones play to partners who are willing to explicitly agree to being spanked. Admittedly it’s a grey area. But it’s in accordance with his philosophy, which is that most women would accept a spanking.

    His test of consent — that he tells them next time something like that happens he will spank them — seems fair enough. Usually, from the stories he’s posted, this is early in the relationship. They could break it off if that’s not acceptable to them.

    Most likely they’re curious, or they have mixed motives, or they secretly do want to be spanked. Of course all this is my conjecture.

    I believe Ed Lee (you can delete the name but at least you’ll know who I’m referring to) is pretty much on the same page in this regard. He says give him 10 minutes with a woman and he’ll have her over his knee, or something to that effect. Of course maybe people think he’s a chauvinist too. And maybe he is. But a lot of women are, or have been, attracted to what he presents.

  7. 12 DJ

    Hi Karl,

    Thanks for your long, thoughtful and constructive input. As ever it is a great pleasure.

    I take no issue with anything you have said. I was not advocating censorship (not that you were suggesting I was) and I have no intention of being judgemental about how others choose to interpret or pursue their lives.

    Other people are perfectly at liberty to blog their own interpretations of their view of this spanking life.

    However, as I said I do not want to name anyone in a negative context in accordance with web discussion guidelines.

    You wrote: His test of consent — that he tells them next time something like that happens he will spank them — seems fair enough. Usually, from the stories he’s posted, this is early in the relationship. They could break it off if that’s not acceptable to them.

    That seems fair enough to me, I have used this maxim myself. The point here is that there is a maxim for consent.

    There are people out there in general (and the person you originally named which I deleted in particular) who have cheerfully admitted to criminal activity and exploitation – using the excuse that his victims were too stupid or weak to resist them.

    Nevertheless, this was not the driving point of my post.
    My point was the same as yours – people have a right to choose and that goes for women as well as men.

    Best wishes DJ


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